What Would You Tell Your 15-year-old Self?
This question hit me hard. And it'i a good reminder of the beauty of change and resiliency.
Late last year I was in a professional development setting with fellow health coaches and this question was posed to our group: What would you tell your 15 year-old self?
This one hit me pretty hard as 1992 was the worst year of my life. I was struggling physically from an eating disorder that had “progressed” from anorexia to anorexic bulimia (laxative and exercise induced) and psychologically from the torment of my parents’ divorce and father’s sham remarriage and new very unhappy family. I had been sick for a few years at that time, and was starting to lose the battle: sometimes passing out in the middle of the night; lacking the energy to dance (my favorite thing then); and seeing my relationships and sense of self dissolve. I was pale, weak and quite depressed, although I didn’t really know it at the time because I’d forgotten what feeling great feels like. This is why I refer to eating disorders as a type of self-imposed prison in my book, The Nourishment Mindset.
Here is what I would tell my 15 year-old self today:
You must NOURISH yourself. Calorie restriction will make and keep you sick. Bingeing is a sign your brain is hungry, not a sign of being a shitty anorexic (pun intended).
Being under 100 lbs. is ridiculous for your frame; you're meant to be a strong, well muscled and curvy chick, not a ballerina skeleton even though your heart aches that you don't have the right genetics for this passion to be a professional.
You must LIVE life with vitality and one of the foundations for this is proper nourishment.
You have so much excitement, learning and adventure ahead of you.
I'm sorry you have so much pain from your parent's divorce and your mom's anger over your dad's continued infidelity. This is not your fault. It will get better. In fact, your mom will one day be your matron of honor and closest confidant.
Your brothers need you to be present. You will miss out on some important aspects of childhood by hiding from it.
You will find love and contentment. You have so much to share with the world. This is NOT the way to deal with it, pushing it away and down the toilette.
This disease will nearly kill you and keep you in the jail that is every eating disorder. Even though you think you don't want kids, this behavior is going to affect your fertility and cardiovascular health, which will one day matter greatly to you.
The beautiful part of the story, and so many peoples’ stories, is that you can change. I wrote The Nourishment Mindset to help people (re)discover their vitality, something which is severely lacking in our society today.
Remember, each and every day is an opportunity to nourish yourself with real, whole foods, pleasures of the table, and connection with humanity and Nature. I shared this quote with my yoga class on Monday; it is really fitting here.
PS - If you haven’t bought my new book, The Nourishment Mindset, there are two ways to do so — on Amazon (free preview below) or from my website for a signed copy! I’d love to know what you think and am entering every person who leaves an Amazon review into a drawing for a complimentary health coaching consult.